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Stalking Irvine
Monday, 8 May 2006

http://www.babylonheights.com/

Posted by tunegum at 10:52 PM BST
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Tuesday, 5 April 2005
Eat your words
Mood:  hungry
Now Playing: The Bedroom Secrets of the Master Chef
Topic: Suggestions Welcome




http://observer.guardian.co.uk/foodmonthly/story/0,9950,1433912,00.html

Posted by tunegum at 12:40 PM BST
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Tuesday, 1 February 2005
Welsh Walks by Wigwam
Mood:  celebratory
Now Playing: Bang Bang - Audio Bootys
Topic: Your Best Shot Or What?
Mr. Welsh just walked past the Wigwam. He definately looked at it as he strolled past. Unfortunately, I was doing some long overdue hoovering, and I missed the shot. In the picture is a woman who walked by some minutes later. She paid no attention whatsoever to the Wigwam. When I am finished hoovering I will burn down the Wigwam.





Posted by tunegum at 1:51 PM GMT
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Wednesday, 26 January 2005
Tepee Or Not Tepee?
Now Playing: Hookey
Topic: Suggestions Welcome




You requested it; you got it: an interpretation of it anyway. The Tepee may not be five feet tall but it's certainly two if not three. Complete with figurines. As an artist I work only with found materials, I couldn't find any red indian dwarves so I used mediaeval soldiers instead. I'm still working on the rottweilers.

As soon as I get a picture of Mr. Welsh clocking it, I'll raze it to the ground.

Mary, I hope this means you are now going to stay in the neighbourhood.

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Posted by tunegum at 3:01 PM GMT
Updated: Wednesday, 26 January 2005 3:36 PM GMT
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Tuesday, 25 January 2005
At The Bottom Of The Recycle Bin
Now Playing: Vulture




Getting tired of squinting out of the window, today I walked to the Internet cafe to photocopy documentation which proves, at least, my own existence, in order to qualify for a residents parking disc for Groove Park.

The photocopier was broken but on my way out I scoped Mr. Welsh at terminal number 10 checking his gmail.

I waited for over an hour at the bus stop opposite the cafe, observing with one eye, Bagman Byl making coffee with a jam-jar and some tepid water, the other on the door to the cafe, waiting for Mr. Welsh to emerge.

After he left, I went into the cafe and hired a terminal, specifying that I wanted number 10, beside the window. My biggest fear or fantasy perhaps, was, I suppose, that Mr. Welsh had stumbled across this site, and that I was rumbled but a quick flick through the history panel in Internet Explorer for the previous two hours allayed my apprehensions.

Before terminating the session, I rummaged through the recycle bin and there at the bottom, underneath the Polish CV's and the real Indian soap opera clips was the discarded fragment of a story.

For posterity's sake I retrieved it from the bin and have retained it for possible future publication on this site, pending legal and ethical consultations with both my solicitors and colleagues in the NUJ.

I mean, if he threw it away, he doesn't want it any more, correct?

Please let me know how you feel on this issue and whether you think I should publish or be damned.

Posted by tunegum at 10:00 AM GMT
Updated: Wednesday, 26 January 2005 12:45 AM GMT
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Sunday, 23 January 2005
Finally, a suggestion...
Mary,

I love your suggestion. I love it so much in fact I am going to make it happen this week.

Remember, there are substantial cash prizes for anything that makes it from my garden into Mr. Welshs subconscious.

As regards to where he lives, I do not know. And even if I did know I would not publish that kind of information on this site. This site is a work of fiction and any similarity to persons living or dead is entirely coincidental.

And anyway I am not crazy enough to follow that bald Scot up the road to find out what number he lives in.

Thank you for popping my Comment Cherry and for your wonderful suggestion.

Sincerely
Stalkingirvine

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Posted by tunegum at 10:00 PM GMT
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Wednesday, 5 January 2005
Gritty Author Welsh Reveals Love of Jane Austen
Jane Austen

Posted by tunegum at 1:59 AM GMT
Updated: Wednesday, 5 January 2005 2:02 AM GMT
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Wednesday, 22 December 2004
Irv The Swerve Is Back In The Hood



Posted by tunegum at 3:23 PM GMT
Updated: Wednesday, 26 January 2005 3:21 PM GMT
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Tuesday, 30 November 2004
Junky Santy
Now Playing: With Fire
Topic: Suggestions Welcome


The Artist clearing the Portal of weeds.


In keeping with the already established themes of elephants and class A drugs; one of which at least is a favourite theme of Mr. Welsh's and given that the filth were around here a couple of weeks ago, trashing the joint, the next object going into The Portal to the subconscious mind of Mr. Welsh is the bag of polystyrene balls which, from a distance, looks for all the world, like a giant sack of cocaine.

It's like the guy who goes to the doctor, looking for a cure for baldness.
The doctor places a couple of rabbits on his head and says
- There you go, that'll be ?50 please.
The guy says - Whit the fucks goan oan?
And the doctor says - Dont worry, from a distance they look like hairs.

Since this is supposed to be art I'm going to draw a picture of Ganesh on the decoy santy-sized sack of coke. Ganesh is the elephant headed Hindi god that has the capacity to reduce all the human weaknesses, such as jealousy, drunkeness, illusion, greed, anger, desire, egotism, self-infatuation which send the devotee away from his path to god.

Ganesh also has; having the head of an elephant: a very large nose.

Posted by tunegum at 10:21 AM GMT
Updated: Tuesday, 30 November 2004 3:59 PM GMT
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Saturday, 27 November 2004
Literary technique does not exist in a vacuum.
Topic: Suggestions Welcome




Sean O'Faolain, in 'The Short Story' (Collins 1948, ISBN 0 85342 860 3) wrote,

Literary technique does not exist in a vacuum, it is a man's device for projecting his own nature in his own time and place. Indeed, as Henry James shrewdly remarks, time and place affect even the technique of the reader as he reads, pointing out that not only does the impression of life that goes into a story vary according to the man and place that produces it, but the impression of life that comes out of a story will often vary 'according to the place that takes it, the particular structure and mixture of the recipient'.


Posted by tunegum at 10:21 AM GMT
Updated: Monday, 29 November 2004 1:43 PM GMT
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